Friday, May 21, 2010

Circle of Life

So you hear it said, a soul leaves the earth and one enters the earth. The day that I received the devestating news that I must consider euthanasia for my beloved Kiska, is the same day that I learned that a sweet little furry friend of mine had given birth to 4 beautiful puppies. I was far to devestated to even consider falling for the sweet little things....but amazingly, that's what happened. However, I must state that if it weren't for my boys, I would never, ever have entertained the idea of another dog. NOPE. My Kiska was my girl for 15 years and in my head, I couldn't hurt her by getting another dog.
In the hours leading up to my final goodbye to my sweet girl, I loved her larger than life and spoiled her rotten. In her life, she didn't get much for table scraps, except veggies and rice because she would get nasty poo's if she had table meat. So, on her final day, I had made up a plate for her to enjoy. On it was bbq'd steak and chicken, baby potatoes slathered with butter, garlic shrimp, mussles, bacon wrapped scallops and broccoli salad with bacon. Oh yes, she was in Heaven! Then for lunch she had a piece of loaded pizza. She was so full that she had no room in her tummy for the crust that my sweet little boy offered her. That made me very happy. My girl hadn't eaten much in the week prior to her passing, so I feel peace knowing that her last meal was amazing and that she left this world feeling like the Princess that I knew she always was. I spent the hour before her passing holding her in my arms and stroking her body. She kept looking up at me and had her big, open-mouthed smile on her face. I know that she was truly in her happy place and that for the first time in I don't know when, she was pain free and peaceful in my arms. When Sherri, the vetrinarian, arrived, I totally lost it. I held Kiska so close, like somehow I could transfer enough of my love to her that I could just look up and say, sorry bout that but we won't be needing your services anymore....she's all better.
Sherri, from Wheat City Vet Clinic, is, in my opinion, the most amazing animal doctor that I have ever met. I thank God that I found her when I needed someone like her most. She has been the perfect amount of everything that I've needed through this journey with my constant, gentle friend. She made the transition for Kiska from this world to her ever after so gentle, so quick, so peaceful and most importantly, so painless. Kiska literally went to sleep in my arms. There was no big breath. There was no gasping. There was no muscle give nor nerve give. It was just like that. I had my fingers buried in her beautiful coat and felt her tummy rise and fall for the last time.
Sherri let myself and my hubbin spend some time with her before she came back into the room. Even then, she gave me time, as I was losing my mind. It felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I've had so much death and loss in my life...but I've never had the chance to bond with someone for so long and become so close, spend so much time. I really feel like I've lost my best friend. Life certainly is not the same without Kiska. Having said that, I truly believe that she is in a much, much better place now. I got to enjoy her for 15 years and now I know that my Mom will continue giving her the same love until I join her.
Until then, remember those puppies that I spoke of in the beginning of this post? Well, I brought our little white fluff ball home on Tuesday. And she is amazing. Kiska has made owning a dog such a beautiful experience that it's an honour to her for us to take on another puppy. If she had been a horrible experience, there would be no way I could or would do it. Was it too soon after Kix's passing? I don't think so. Not for us anyway. We all miss Kiska very, very much and our new little Isis will never, ever be Kiska. But she is Isis. She is 7 1/2 weeks old and she is a good, good pup. She sleeps in a kennel beside my bed at night time in which I place a warm water bottle and a stuffed toy that the boys picked out from the pet store. During the day, she hangs out and someone is always home to catch her before she piddles on the floor. She yelp-cries when she has to lots of warning that she wants to do her business outside and she loves it outside! I can't say enough good things about her. She is going to be a very, very smart dog and she will (I will make sure of it) be trained just like Kiska and Maija. I am confident that she is going to be a special part of our family. She already is. I credit Kiska that I have the knowledge and patience that I have with Isis. Oh she was so smart and taught me so much about owning a dog. I feel confident and sure as I enter the world of puppy. So thank you, my Kiska Angel. I feel her spirit in this home and I am grateful for that.
I know I haven't spoken much about my other love, my Maija. Maija grew up with Kiska. We did not allow her to be in the house while Kiska was leaving this world. Maija is a mama to the core and she would have been alternating between panic and anxiety and the need to help her sister. So when everything was over and Kiska was taken away, we spent time with Maija outside. Actually, I pretty much lived outside that weekend and she never left my side. Something we both needed, I think. She is adjusting well. My husband and I kind of think that she is suspicious of him because she wanted to come into the house and he kept saying no. Then when she comes in, her sister is gone. Hmmmmm. Fishy, hey? Anyway, Maija is adjusting to the pup well and seems to be enjoying the extra Mommy time that I've been able to give her. She finally ate her dog food last night - she went almost a week without eating, poor girl.
It's funny, you know? Lots of people believe lots of things about the soul and spirit of animals. Some people believe that they have no soul and that they are here purely for our enjoyment. Well, I definately believe that they are here for our enjoyment now, but I also believe that all animals are God's creatures and that they, too enjoy a beautiful, perfect afterlife.

"For the soul of every living thing is in the hand of God" Job 12:10

Rest In Peace my beautiful Princess. Mommy will always love you and will always hear your tick tacks on the floor! OXOXO

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Tag...I'm It!

This is my first tag on something like this, so I thought, hey, what the heck! The questions come from Jen and so here are my answers:

If you could go anywhere for a vacation, money no object, where would you go and why? Who would you take with you?
Money is no object, you say? Well then, I would for sure go with my husband and children on a resort vacation. This way we could all enjoy the experience, which would be our very first holiday like this, and a high end resort offers childcare so that when hubbins and I felt the need to have "us" time, we could and we'd know the kids were having a ball!

What has been your biggest challenge as an adult?
Knowing that it's my responsibility to have all the answers and not having a Mom to help me out.

What are you currently reading? What led you to that book?
Emergence Labeled Autistic -- a true story by Temple Grandin
I was at the Autism Conference, saw this book, read the back and had to have it. Why? Autism absolutely fascinates me. I am intrigued and compelled to read stories such as this because they are true and they provide me with insight into the mystery of Autism. We can learn the most about any childhood disorder by going straight to the source. Often this is not possible, so when I can, I do.

What is one thing you will never ever ever eat? Why?
Caviar for obvious reasons!! Oh, and any type of insect. Again, for obvious reasons!

It is Sunday morning, 10:00 AM. What are you doing?
Sipping on a delicious cup of coffee, pretending that the snow that is coming down outside is actually just the flower blooms blowing in the breeze.

Which is more important to you? A tidy home or a clean home? Is there a difference to you?
A clean home, without a doubt. I have long let go of the foolish notion that I may have a tidy home while I have little people living here. However, I believe that my boys should not feel like they can't be children because I am over-anal about tidiness. (is that a word?). Sooooo, there's only a couple of rooms in my house that I prefer to be toy free. The rest of the house is fair game. BUT, whatever mess they make, they have to clean.

If you were given a full-ride scholarship to the post-secondary institution of your choice, where would you go?
I'm not sure exactly, but it would have something to do with children and development. Maybe a specialist in child development ... I have always looked up to the doctors that come here for Child Development Clinic. They are brilliant.

What courses would you take?
Well unfortunately there would be sciences in there. GROSS. But there would be psychology and anatomy too, which would be neat.

Would you rather go to an action movie or a girly movie?
A girly movie. I get enough action and anxiety provoking moments in my daily life. I like to just sit back and enjoy some fluffy moments.

If/when you start to grow grey hair, will you wear it with pride or dye it into submission?
So far, I just go with it. Because I think that my Aunties and Uncles on the Blair side are all very good looking with their greys. If I could wear it with as much grace and beauty as they do, bring it on!!!

Dogs or cats?
Yoink. What if they find out I've chosen one over the other??
I truly do love them both. I think they both have their place and I get great amounts of enjoyment from both.

That was fun!! Not sure what I'm supposed to do my blog to Jen's, I think. I don't know how to do that. :o(