Circle of Life

So you hear it said, a soul leaves the earth and one enters the earth. The day that I received the devestating news that I must consider euthanasia for my beloved Kiska, is the same day that I learned that a sweet little furry friend of mine had given birth to 4 beautiful puppies. I was far to devestated to even consider falling for the sweet little things....but amazingly, that's what happened. However, I must state that if it weren't for my boys, I would never, ever have entertained the idea of another dog. NOPE. My Kiska was my girl for 15 years and in my head, I couldn't hurt her by getting another dog.
In the hours leading up to my final goodbye to my sweet girl, I loved her larger than life and spoiled her rotten. In her life, she didn't get much for table scraps, except veggies and rice because she would get nasty poo's if she had table meat. So, on her final day, I had made up a plate for her to enjoy. On it was bbq'd steak and chicken, baby potatoes slathered with butter, garlic shrimp, mussles, bacon wrapped scallops and broccoli salad with bacon. Oh yes, she was in Heaven! Then for lunch she had a piece of loaded pizza. She was so full that she had no room in her tummy for the crust that my sweet little boy offered her. That made me very happy. My girl hadn't eaten much in the week prior to her passing, so I feel peace knowing that her last meal was amazing and that she left this world feeling like the Princess that I knew she always was. I spent the hour before her passing holding her in my arms and stroking her body. She kept looking up at me and had her big, open-mouthed smile on her face. I know that she was truly in her happy place and that for the first time in I don't know when, she was pain free and peaceful in my arms. When Sherri, the vetrinarian, arrived, I totally lost it. I held Kiska so close, like somehow I could transfer enough of my love to her that I could just look up and say, sorry bout that but we won't be needing your services anymore....she's all better.
Sherri, from Wheat City Vet Clinic, is, in my opinion, the most amazing animal doctor that I have ever met. I thank God that I found her when I needed someone like her most. She has been the perfect amount of everything that I've needed through this journey with my constant, gentle friend. She made the transition for Kiska from this world to her ever after so gentle, so quick, so peaceful and most importantly, so painless. Kiska literally went to sleep in my arms. There was no big breath. There was no gasping. There was no muscle give nor nerve give. It was just like that. I had my fingers buried in her beautiful coat and felt her tummy rise and fall for the last time.
Sherri let myself and my hubbin spend some time with her before she came back into the room. Even then, she gave me time, as I was losing my mind. It felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I've had so much death and loss in my life...but I've never had the chance to bond with someone for so long and become so close, spend so much time. I really feel like I've lost my best friend. Life certainly is not the same without Kiska. Having said that, I truly believe that she is in a much, much better place now. I got to enjoy her for 15 years and now I know that my Mom will continue giving her the same love until I join her.
Until then, remember those puppies that I spoke of in the beginning of this post? Well, I brought our little white fluff ball home on Tuesday. And she is amazing. Kiska has made owning a dog such a beautiful experience that it's an honour to her for us to take on another puppy. If she had been a horrible experience, there would be no way I could or would do it. Was it too soon after Kix's passing? I don't think so. Not for us anyway. We all miss Kiska very, very much and our new little Isis will never, ever be Kiska. But she is Isis. She is 7 1/2 weeks old and she is a good, good pup. She sleeps in a kennel beside my bed at night time in which I place a warm water bottle and a stuffed toy that the boys picked out from the pet store. During the day, she hangs out and someone is always home to catch her before she piddles on the floor. She yelp-cries when she has to poo...giving lots of warning that she wants to do her business outside and she loves it outside! I can't say enough good things about her. She is going to be a very, very smart dog and she will (I will make sure of it) be trained just like Kiska and Maija. I am confident that she is going to be a special part of our family. She already is. I credit Kiska that I have the knowledge and patience that I have with Isis. Oh she was so smart and taught me so much about owning a dog. I feel confident and sure as I enter the world of puppy. So thank you, my Kiska Angel. I feel her spirit in this home and I am grateful for that.
I know I haven't spoken much about my other love, my Maija. Maija grew up with Kiska. We did not allow her to be in the house while Kiska was leaving this world. Maija is a mama to the core and she would have been alternating between panic and anxiety and the need to help her sister. So when everything was over and Kiska was taken away, we spent time with Maija outside. Actually, I pretty much lived outside that weekend and she never left my side. Something we both needed, I think. She is adjusting well. My husband and I kind of think that she is suspicious of him because she wanted to come into the house and he kept saying no. Then when she comes in, her sister is gone. Hmmmmm. Fishy, hey? Anyway, Maija is adjusting to the pup well and seems to be enjoying the extra Mommy time that I've been able to give her. She finally ate her dog food last night - she went almost a week without eating, poor girl.
It's funny, you know? Lots of people believe lots of things about the soul and spirit of animals. Some people believe that they have no soul and that they are here purely for our enjoyment. Well, I definately believe that they are here for our enjoyment now, but I also believe that all animals are God's creatures and that they, too enjoy a beautiful, perfect afterlife.

"For the soul of every living thing is in the hand of God" Job 12:10

Rest In Peace my beautiful Princess. Mommy will always love you and will always hear your tick tacks on the floor! OXOXO

Tag...I'm It!

This is my first tag on something like this, so I thought, hey, what the heck! The questions come from Jen and so here are my answers:

If you could go anywhere for a vacation, money no object, where would you go and why? Who would you take with you?
Money is no object, you say? Well then, I would for sure go with my husband and children on a resort vacation. This way we could all enjoy the experience, which would be our very first holiday like this, and a high end resort offers childcare so that when hubbins and I felt the need to have "us" time, we could and we'd know the kids were having a ball!

What has been your biggest challenge as an adult?
Knowing that it's my responsibility to have all the answers and not having a Mom to help me out.

What are you currently reading? What led you to that book?
Emergence Labeled Autistic -- a true story by Temple Grandin
I was at the Autism Conference, saw this book, read the back and had to have it. Why? Autism absolutely fascinates me. I am intrigued and compelled to read stories such as this because they are true and they provide me with insight into the mystery of Autism. We can learn the most about any childhood disorder by going straight to the source. Often this is not possible, so when I can, I do.

What is one thing you will never ever ever eat? Why?
Caviar for obvious reasons!! Oh, and any type of insect. Again, for obvious reasons!

It is Sunday morning, 10:00 AM. What are you doing?
Sipping on a delicious cup of coffee, pretending that the snow that is coming down outside is actually just the flower blooms blowing in the breeze.

Which is more important to you? A tidy home or a clean home? Is there a difference to you?
A clean home, without a doubt. I have long let go of the foolish notion that I may have a tidy home while I have little people living here. However, I believe that my boys should not feel like they can't be children because I am over-anal about tidiness. (is that a word?). Sooooo, there's only a couple of rooms in my house that I prefer to be toy free. The rest of the house is fair game. BUT, whatever mess they make, they have to clean.

If you were given a full-ride scholarship to the post-secondary institution of your choice, where would you go?
I'm not sure exactly, but it would have something to do with children and development. Maybe a specialist in child development ... I have always looked up to the doctors that come here for Child Development Clinic. They are brilliant.

What courses would you take?
Well unfortunately there would be sciences in there. GROSS. But there would be psychology and anatomy too, which would be neat.

Would you rather go to an action movie or a girly movie?
A girly movie. I get enough action and anxiety provoking moments in my daily life. I like to just sit back and enjoy some fluffy moments.

If/when you start to grow grey hair, will you wear it with pride or dye it into submission?
So far, I just go with it. Because I think that my Aunties and Uncles on the Blair side are all very good looking with their greys. If I could wear it with as much grace and beauty as they do, bring it on!!!

Dogs or cats?
Yoink. What if they find out I've chosen one over the other??
I truly do love them both. I think they both have their place and I get great amounts of enjoyment from both.

That was fun!! Not sure what I'm supposed to do now....link my blog to Jen's, I think. I don't know how to do that. :o(

Angie, you are awesome!

Angie is a fellow knitter/crafter that I met here http://www.ravelry.com/ and a person to whom I look forward to chatting with via messaging. Through these messages, I discovered her blog, and replied to a post that she made where she was asking to do a swap. She wanted a hand-made bag to carry her knitting in and in return I got some yarn-y goodness, handmade stitch markers, buttons from her personal stash to match the yarn and an incredible sewing book dated back to the early '80's. I am soooo excited to use this wool and add the buttons to it. It almost certainly will become a hat so I will be busy looking for a pattern for it. I was soooo excited when I saw this hanging out of my mailbox that I think I almost peed my pants!

I rushed inside and literally bowled the animals over to get to the front door only to find that the mailbox was empty. I really, really wanted to get this package on Monday or Tuesday b/c I would be the one to receive it. Nooooooo. It had to come today so that Hubbins could get it. So he thinks its funny to play this game with me that it didn't come today. Little did he know that I already knew that it arrived. You see, he was going to play this game of "oh, I thought you were waiting for a box...I totally forgot that this came in the mail". HA!!! Tricks on him, lol!
And this is what I sent to her:

Tomorrow I will clean my house...today I crafted!

As the title states, today I didn`t do any cleaning whatsoever. Today I crafted. I made 2 bags! (Well, kind of...I finished up one that I had made a long while back). I made one following this recipe http://www.craftleftovers.com/blog/archives/1438 .

Iam unsure yet if I am going to use it as a mini tote for everyday or if (most likely) I will use it as a project bag. It is just adorable, though and it fits the cardigan that I`m currently working on as well as a bottle of water, knitting notions, phone, ipod and a paper pad. It likely fits more, which is exciting because often when I am travelling to a knitting friends home or going out for knit fest, I like to just throw a wallet into my project bag and maybe some lip balm and leave the purse at home. I will post pics tomorrow to show. The outside is made of a chocolate brown cordouroy and the inside is some amazing pink fabric that changes hues depending on the angle that you are seeing it! It`s got two large pockets on each end. I didn`t add buttons to them...if I find that things are falling out, maybe I`ll put a couple of snaps on them. For now I like them as is.
The second bag that I finished is amazing! It`s a knitted, felted tote lined with Chinese brocard (not sure if that`s the right spelling). I only finished it now because my knitting partner had the icord for a couple of months, so I couldn`t put on the handle. Handle done, snap sewn on and a special something on the outside and this baby`s complete! I am torn between the two because I love them both. The knitted one is larger and more practical as an everyday bag, so it will likely win between the two!

I love, love, love being able to make things. It feels like such a sense of accomplishent when I am finished! I am making a cardi that is hopefully going to be a birthday gift for one of my girlfriends, but I tried it on today and I think it`s going to be too small in the shoulders. :(
I guess that means that I may have to keep it...or save it for a birthday gift for another friend who already said she wanted it!!

Just some stuff I've been doing

Another knitted, felted, lined bag. This one is by far my favorite. It's gone though. These things don't stick around long.

This is a fun hat made from sock yarn. It's so stretchy and light that you can hardly feel it on! I love the way the colours swirl and then go back on themselves. Kind of reminds me of water ripples in the summertime. Can't wait to wear this one out on the cool summer evenings by the water :)

This beautiful thing is called the "Burberry Inspired Cowl" named so because the pattern designer saw this, I believe, in a Burberry Catalogue. It was insanely priced....I'm talking in the hundreds...so she designed one that looks similar. It is made out of Malabrigo Wool which feels like a cashmere hug around the neck. This wool was one of my birthday gifts from Hubbins. At close to $20 a skein, it's not something I have ever been able to just randomly purchase. I will wear this thing forever (because if it's not on me it will, without a doubt, go missing!!!)

When my house is in a state with which I cannot deal, I tend to retreat to my bedroom. It staves off the anxiety provoked panic attack that is sure to come. I can't stand that I spend one of my only 2 days off cleaning up after children who are old enough and capable enough to do it themselves. They are told, time and time again to pick things up, put things away. If you take it out, put it away. If you make a mess, clean it up. If you drop it, pick it up. Such common sense ideas, no? Is this what I get for living in a house filled with males?? Oh Good Lord Help Me!

Lucky for you guys, when I retreat, I tend to take the time to post long awaited pictures of the things that I love to do whenever I have the time.

"We never claimed to be perfect. That means we've learned to be humble"

This couldn't have been said more perfectly. With permission, I am posting this, as a proud Canadian who is currently swelling with pride for our amazing athletes. This country and all of us in it need be proud. Not just for the amazing talent that we possess, but for being such beautiful people. My heart is shaped like a maple leaf.


"We say “excuse me” and ”I’m sorry”, as well as “please” and “thanks”. Even when it’s not our fault, we apologize.
Sure, one arm of the torch didn’t rise, but when the earthquake struck Haiti, Canadians raised their hands to say “we’ll help”.
And yeah, there’s a fence around the torch, but you can walk right up and shake hands with our Prime Minister, and most famous Canadians. We put Gretzky in the back of a pickup, in the rain, not surrounded by police, and he was okay. And by the way, the “Great One” is Canadian and he wasn’t complaining! We do have security at the Games, of course, but most people don’t even have a gun they have to leave at home.
The medals ARE under lock and key, but our doors and our hearts are open to the world.
It has been pointed out that some buses broke down last week, but let’s not overlook the fact that our banking system didn’t!
We didn’t get the “green ice-maker” right this time, but we will, eventually.
Just like we did when we invented the Zamboni.
Citius altius fortius
If you don’t reach higher, how do you get faster and stronger?
Was the first quad jump perfect?
Should we not have given snowboarding to the world “in case” it didn’t take off?
So big deal one of the four torch arms didn’t rise, good thing we had three more! It’s called contingency planning.!
But remember, the Canada-Arm works every time in outerspace, and insulin turned out to be okay.
We couldn’t change the weather, but maybe we can help to stop global warming.
We don’t have the tax base of the US, or the power of the Chinese, but, per capita, we ponied up for some pretty kiss- ass venues in the worst global recession ever!
Sure, some folks couldn’t afford tickets, but our health care is universal.
We have shown the world that we can raise our voices in celebration and song, but moments later stand in silence to respect a tragic event ….together….spontaneously, and unrehearsed.
What’s more, we don’t need permission from anyone to have a slam poet, fiddlers with piercing’s, and a lesbian singer tell our story to the world, while our multilingual Haitian-born (black) head-of-state shares a box with her First Nations equals.
We’ve shown the world that it doesn’t always rain in Vancouver, that you can strive for excellence, but not get hung up on perfection. And we’ve learned what it feels like to be picked on by some no-name newspaper guy, and we don’t have to take it lying down!
So the point is not the snow, or the hydraulics, or a couple of guys being late to a ceremony.
We know we’re lucky that these are the biggest problems we had to deal with in the last few weeks.
So take your cheap shots, Guardian newspaper and cynics of the world!! We’re bigger and better than that.
What’s more, we’re finally starting to believe it!
Do you believe?

November Knits

Spiral Hat for Jewels

Ear Flap Hat for Hanna

My first attempt at Fair Isle

Finally a "Meret" for me! Just in time for the snow!

It's Me!

....and it's been a long time! Not because I have nothing to say, I just don't have any time to say it these days. :(
My boys are both is hockey again this year, however they are no longer in the same league which means a very chaotic, busy schedule. They are absolutley loving it, so that makes it worth the while, of coarse! Ry just had his first tournament this weekend and he thoroughly enjoyed it! They played 3 games which was exhausting for them all. The poor goalie couldn't muster enough energy to play the last game and felt horrible about leaving her team stranded. The coach tried just placing an extra player on the ice which ended up in a score-fest for the other team. So apparently she asked the players if anyone would volunteer to take net. Ry happily said yes (he has secretly always wanted to play his turn in net) so we got him dressed the the goalie gear and when he hit the ice, he was a complete natural. He managed to block 6 out of 8 shots on net!! The other parents in the stands were, of coarse, teasing me cuz if anyone knows anything about the cost of being a goalie, that in itself is enough to make a person faint. Needless to say, Ry was incredibly proud of himself and he ended up getting the player award at the end of the game! He doesn't want to continue in net, but does wish that he could switch off with the goalie now and then! Yikes!
Mas is in his second year of TimBits and he is just a restless spirit on the ice. He has improved to the point where he could join the novice team if it weren't for his age. While the coaches are working with the other children, Mas is off skating, practicing his turns and stops and shots on net. It's all very cute. He is looking super forward to playing his first game. He gets to scrimmage at the Wheat King game on Friday!
As for me, I am now working full time hours, which in this job, is about 50 hours per week with all of the paper work and after hours stuff to do. I am still loving my job but am having issues with some of the therapists and their high-and-mighty attitudes. Unfortunately not everyone shares the same philosophy and that's this: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE KIDS AND THEIR FAMILIES not the big words and the power trips that have been getting in the way. It's very difficult to do your job when there is always somebody who wants to criticize because they are threatened by your passion. That's my perception of it anyway. I don't consider myself to be a threatening person. Passionate, yes. Caring, yes. Good at what I do....YES. So I've been in a pissy mood since last week when the lastest *&$# came in on a perceived incident that wasn't at all the case. It's a bitch of thing to be misunderstood, misconstrued and percieved as somone you aren't. I have been in a funk since. It sux. If there was one thing that I could change about me it would be my inability to deeply personalize that which has been said to me. I wish that I could find the strength within me to say #&@* you, I know who I am, where I come from, and why I do what I do and it's all for the sake of the children. However, I choose (operative word, I suppose) to sit and dwell on the hurtful things and just can't seem to shake it and get past it.
So that's my rant for that.
I am sure to have a very emotional post coming, but I will save that for another day, as I choose (again, operative word) to not think about that for now. In the meantime, I leave you with this quote and thank you for taking the time to read my post/vent.

"Great spirits often meet violent opposition from mediocre minds." ~~Albert Einstein

It's been almost the entire summer since I've checked in here. My bad. You see, summer always has a way of luring me outside early in the morning and keeping me out until very late at night. I only venture back into the house for necessities...water, washroom, food. Otherwise, once I'm out, I'm out. Especially this year. This weather is perfect for me. I absolutely detest the humid +30 degree weather that we usually get bombarded with. I have a beautiful tan this year, thanks to this weather. My yard and flower gardens look amazing, thanks to this weather. I have visited parks and beaches, explored and enjoyed some very good books. It's been a great summer.
I desparately want to pick up my knitting needles, but am uninspired each time I do so. My vest from, yes, VESTUARY is still in time out. It's been very, very bad. I would love to knit up some noro mitts (I have the most beautiful noro right now). But I just can't seem to get going. I need my knitting friend!!! She always inspires me with her creativity! Hopefully I will be seeing her tonight. It's been a very long time!!!
I had so many things to say and just can't put my thoughts together right now. Could be the boys nattering in my ear right now?!
Sorry for the boring post. I will post later if it comes to me. Just kind of wanted to let you all know that I am still here!!!!
Hope you are all having a wonderful summer and are taking advantage of the tolerable weather!!

Believe

So something incredibly unbelievable happened a couple of weeks ago. I've been too lazy to post anything. I'm sorry.
I have embarked on a journey that will likely take me a very long time to finish, but in the end it will be well worth the trial. I am putting my life down on paper. Mostly for my boys' sake, so that they will know everything and there will be no more secerets. I have spent many, many years seeking answers to the mysteries of this person that I call Sandra. Who am I, where did I come from, what was the journey and how do I survive?
One piece of this puzzle was for me to speak to the people who were important to my Mom. The ones whom she called a friend and who were maybe close enough to her that she confided her deepest, darkest secrets. I suspect there were many.
So I took a leap. I have this picture of my Mom and a beautiful young lady sitting with her. My Dad tells me the story of how, in 1976 my Mom went into a very short remission from her cancer and she asked him to take her to meet this penpal that she had only ever corresponded with through mail. This was her wish and so my Dad made it come true, God Bless him.
Two provinces later, my Mom was united with this penpal and the friendship that had developed through letters proved as solid as they hoped.
33 years later, I have found her!!!! After searching every site possible, googling her name, etc, I decided to write the town that she lived in 33 years ago. I simply told them that I was looking for this person, why and asked if they could email me back either way.
Not even a week later, I received an email from THIS PERSON!!!
She sent me a picture of my Mom that had been given to her, and in return I sent her the picture that I had of the two of them.
She is the most incredible person. So kind and her beauty rosonates through her words that she writes to me on a regular basis.
She has been looking high and low to try and find some letters that my Mom had written to her. Can you IMAGINE????? OMG! It may seem strange to most people, but having lost her when I was 2 years old, having some sort of memento of her, something that I could read and re-read and actually get a feel for her and her personality...it's not even something that I can put words to. It is all I've wanted, all my life.
I have learned that you just have to put yourself out there. Take the risk and accept that it may not turn out the way you hoped. But have faith. Look at what faith got me.

Sharing

If I share, will it make summer come???? Or maybe even spring??
A friend made this drink for me while I was having a visit at her house. She assured me that it was incredible. One sip had me hooked. It's completely guilt-free and you won't feel your thighs growing with each sip you take!! or maybe I'm the only one with that problem...

Strawberry Cloud
2/3 C. frozen strawberries
2/3 C. light vanilla soy
2 tsp fat free french vanilla coffeemate powdered creamer, disolved in 1 oz of warm water
1 oz sugar free strawberry syrup
3 packets of splenda
3-4 ice cubes or 1/2 C. crushed ice
2 Tbsp fat free redi whip

toss this all into a blender, blend until smooth and enjoy!

Here's what I did, as I didn't have all the ingredients that it called for:
handful of strawberries
eyeballed aproximately 2/3 C. skim milk
splash of sugar free french vanilla syrup
splash of sugar free strawberry syrup
handful of ice
a couple of good shakes of the vanilla coffee mate

I blended this up until it was smooth. It wasn't as creamy as my friend's but it was still incredible and the whole family enjoyed this. Kind of put a bright side to all of this cold, nasty weather that we've been having. Enjoy!!

Finally!

I have been meaning to do it for quite some time now, and I've finally done it! What, you ask? It's at the bottom of my blog. It's only just begun, as I'm sure I've got hundreds of additions yet to put on, but it's a start. For the love of reading, check it out!

I don't really have a lot to say, but I do have a wee bit of time, so I thought I would just check in. This week has been spring break which means that I have my boys at home with me, our family is one and complete this week. This is just the way I like it and how we function the best. Being that my family is everything to me, I just hate sending my kids to school. I hate being away from them. Period. I enjoy their complany, yes even my oldest's non-stop chattering!!! They are different children when they are not influenced by the public school system. There is no mean-ness, hardly any fighting, and all of the "omg, did you just say that" things just disappear. Yes, they are definately influenced by the public school system and it really makes me wonder what the next years will bring if it's already happening now. It also makes me wonder how I made it through and did ok?? It's a tough, tough world out there. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to bubble my kids (well, ok, I DO, but I know better), I just want what's best for them, at all cost. They are in school to learn and they learn best from other children. Strong parenting skills are necessary in order to filter out all of the unwanted stuff that they gather. That, and an amazing, open relationship with my boys. Which I have, thank God.
I got my mark back from my latest course. I struggled with keeping my head in this one. It was painfully boring to me. I did realize that I never, as long as I live, want to have ANYTHING to do with book keeping. NOTHING. So anyway, after a whole lot of stress, anxiety and worry, I received an A!!! So now I have to choose an elective. I'm thinking of taking aboriginal studies and am pretty excited to get going on it. I am going to take a break, however, and get caught up on some of the amazing books that have been patiently waiting for me. I have a vest on the needles that is begging me to finish (I'm sooooo close), so that'll happen soon. I have been helping my gf line home made bags. This has been so much fun. I have discovered that I'm really not bad with a sewing machine, either!
Oh! And my most exciting news of all..........our holidays are booked!!! 8 sleeps in the beautiful, remote, phone-free, door-bell free Duck Mountains. To say that I'm excited is an understatement. I live and breathe for cabin life. For remoteness, for water, for wilderness. It's truly what centres me. I can not WAIT to enjoy just having my 3 boys around me, all to myself for that matter, for 8 full days. I hate to rush the summer, but GOSH I can't wait til August!

So many things.....

To do, that is. Hubby got called in for O.T today (this poor weather is always good for our bank account) and so he dropped the kids off at school before he left, saving me the trip. YAY! 36 hours later, I am still having an allergic reaction to a med that my doc prescribed (he knew I had an allergy to a related drug, but felt it wasn't a bad enough reaction to NOT give me this particular one.) GRRRR. I spent the morning in emerg yesterday trying to get the rash down. It's still not gone. So, I am following the doc's advice and taking the day off today too. It really would be terrible to go into anaphylactic shock while on the job, right?
So here I am, the house all to myself with SOOOOO much to do. I submitted my final assignment last night. I'm terrified for the mark. Trying not to think about that. I have so much catching up to do, as this course took pretty much all of my spare time.
I would totally like to go down the basement (did I say "like"?) and organize my work area. Problem is, I have NO idea where to begin. I wish somebody with some really great organizational skills would come in and assist me in this area!!! I need to get more organized!
The laundry is piling up and the floors desparately need a wash. I am considering some redecorating (hopefully hubby doesn't read this!!!)...nothing major, just a few adjustments to a few areas. Whew. See, if you can follow my blathering, kudos! This is my head spinning right now. Quiet house, no one to need me and I choose to sit here and blather. What's wrong with me????? LOL!

Another year under the belt :)

Another birthday has come and gone. I'm 34, and can hardly believe how time flies...mostly since I've become a mom! Mostly, I go through my birthday with a quiet, inner celebration of another year of life. This year was different. My kids were so excited about my birthday, it was very special for them. They went out of their way to make my day special for me, showering me with love and kind words, and some really cute, thoughtful gifts. My oldest bought me a "gold" necklace (costume jewellery) and it has a really pretty "disco ball" pendant. Essentially, it's a ball full of little diamond gemstones all around it. I LOVE it!!!! My youngest bought me a package of toe rings which he felt completely suited me. One is a yellow flower, another is a yellow butterfly. They are all very pretty and they made me yearn for flip-flops and pretty painted toe nails! I can't wait to wear them! They both bought me beautiful bouquets of flowers and some red hotlips! Oh, and a delicious cake!! They truly spoiled me and for the first time since I reached my emotional maturaty, I truly felt special on my birthday.
You see, birthdays have never really been made special for me, not since my Grandpa (God rest his soul) was alive. Sure, my Grandma tried, but it's really not the same when a person who spent the entire year beating you up verbally all of a sudden takes the day off to "celebrate" you.
This year I had an epiphany of sorts. My 21st birthday was a milestone for me. My Mom (God rest her soul, too) didn't live to enjoy her 21st year. So that was pretty incredible for me. This year, turning 34 made me suddenly and alarmingly aware that I've lived 13 years longer than my Mom. So I decided that from this birthday on, I will celbrate that. All the beauty of being granted another year, healthy, happy and alive! Happy Birthday to ME!!!! (I love you, Mom! R.I.P)

Yup, it's true....

I'm going dark. My hair that is. I wore a wig on Halloween and everyone thought that it was my hair (yeah, they don't pay much attention apparently), but when they found out it wasn't, I was told I should go dark. I have contemplated dark since I found my first gray hair but haven't done it because, well, I'm partial to blonde. Very partial. I am kind of stuck without a choice, however. I have left my fried hair too long and now I want to shave it off so I don't have to see ALL THE GRAY. Seriously. There's SOOOOO much. I am NOT ready for all this gray. I need my hairdresser in the worst way, but I keep forgetting to book her for an outstanding colour that she always gives me. Soooooo, due to the fact that I've been having a terrible couple of weeks (work-wise) and I'm feeling completely beat-up and unappreciated, I needed a quick fix. So I picked up a brown colour and I am going for it. Who cares, right? It's just hair. AND it's gray. Double who cares. I will still book an appointment with my incredible hairstylist who will totally and completely understand (cuz she knows I'm a little off my rocker anyway, lol) and she will make me beautiful, no matter how I destroy my hair. (Thanks D, by the way...you ROCK).......................Thinkin I really like the change. Can't wait for the reactions!

On another note. I really miss the families that I had in the past! Sob Sob.

In the midst of moody Manitoba weather.......

Snow and icicles. I had to post this picture. It's a few days late, but it's still post-worthy to show our moody Manitoba weather. Within a 24 hour period we had rain, freezing rain, snow, ice pellets and sleet. At times the weather was simply balmy and I was able to pick the kids up from school wearing just a cozy knitted sweater. At the end of that day, I had to put on my winter gear.
So looking out my window, I found this picture amusing to some degree. I captured on film what some people would not believe if they didn't actually live in this province!

Sweet lil boy arrived just in time to be the most perfect Valentine! 5lbs 15oz, he is just perfect! I have waited many years for my girlfriend (whom I consider the sister I never had) to make me an Aunty! He was definately worth the wait! Welcome to the world my precious little nephew! Prepare to be spoiled! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Little Boy Update

So yesterday in all of my ranting about the trip to emerg, I forgot to mention how cranky the intake nurse was with me when she found out that my boy hasn't yet had his Kinder needle. She was NOT happy, to say the least. So she tells me that he needs his needle within 24 hours of this accident. Sooooooooo, the plan was going to be that I would call Public Health and get him in this afternoon. Problem solved, right? Well, not EVER with my youngest is a problem solved without complexity, in terms of his health. He broke out in a major fever through the night and was hallucinating. You see where this is going, right? He can't get his needle when he is sick, which is why we haven't had it done yet. He's been sick. Now, is this fever related to his accident (cranky nurse has me all freaked out now) or is this just pure coincidence? Or did he pick up something bad while visiting the oh-so-clean hospital? (If it's there, he'll get it, trust me). What to do, what to do?

Emergency

Yup. Just got home from Emerg. Today was just to quiet and relaxing, I suppose, so the boys decided that they needed to jazz things up a bit. It all started out as innocent wrestling with me saying "guys, find a better place to do that, there's not enough room in there and someone is going to get hurt". I used to think that mom's were clairvoyant. Well, kind of, I suppose. But mostly, if you're like me, you could throw up twice in your mouth just thinking about your child getting injured. I have experienced head injuries with both of these guys in the past. My oldest was so excited that I was home, he came running and when his feet hit the transition between carpet to lino, he went sliding....right into the edge of the wall. This one blead like crazy, but only required some glue. My youngest split his head open when he fell off of the top bunk and landed head first on the edge of a bookshelf. That was a doozy and was so horrible, in fact, that I had to leave him with my husband so that I could get myself together. Just when I thought that I could handle this one, the doctor showed me just how serious the injury was. It was deep to the bone. Yup. He does a good job when he hurts himself. So the wrestling got a bit carried away and he tried to crawl under the bed. I'm not sure, exactly, how it came to be that he lifted his head just in time to smash it on the edge of the metal frame, but in any event, he did. He is at a stage right now where he will run to his room and hold the door closed when he is hurt or mad. So this is what he did while his brother came and got me. (Reason #500ish why I don't EVER try and watch a movie). As he was explaining, brother was becoming hysterical, so I went to see if he was seriously hurt. He met me half way in the hallway, hand full of blood and a terrified look on his face. The rest is history. Out the door, (thank goodness we are all of 2 minutes away from the hospital) and to emerg. I can say that arriving in emerg with a child who is bleeding is taken vary seriously. We are (the 3 times I've been in this circumstance) seen immediately and the nurses are so, so kind.
My poor boy was so scared and I had a very hard time keeping myself collected. The tears were stinging the back of my eyes while he was literally screaming as they froze his wound.
It is a very frightening feeling when you see blood coming from your child. It's in that moment that you realize how fragile they are and how, sometimes as a Mommy, things are out of your control and you can't fix them. My world wouldn't work without either of my boys. Funny how, though I've only had these babes in my life for 8 & 5 years, I can't begin to imagine life without them and, God willing, I won't have to.
Parenting boys is a challenge. I wouldn't have it any other way, but somehow I am going to have teach these children that every time they act like "boys" it adds another gray hair to my already full head. Can't they just go and read? Maybe I should teach them to knit?

Cabin Fever??

Is that what it is? I am feeling so overwhelmed, like someone heaped 3 extra helpings onto my already full plate while I wasn't looking. Of coarse, that someone is me. It's just my personality to take on too much, and normally I am able to organize and divide my time in order to get it all done. Right now, I don't know if it's cabin fever or what, but I just can't seem to focus. All at once, I am thinking about the dreadful Small Business coarse that I have to finish by April 1st, I need to start some sort of exercise routine (it's a bad, bad sign when your jeans start cutting off the circulation in your thighs when you are sitting), I have reports to write, files to update, appointments to schedule, therapists to meet with. I have my own family needs that are needing me! I have to get that OT form back so that Ry can hopefully be seen before the end of this school year. My house is being over run by dust bunnies, my laundry is taking over my basement, my work area needs to be organized. Even the things that I want to do seem to be overwhelming me! I have countless books in que and manyWIP's on the needles. All of which I want to finish!!!! I have projects that I have to cast on b/c people are waiting...very patiently....and I have projects that I need to cast on because I can't wait to give them to the surprised and delighted recipient!!!
Anyway, that's my rant. If I could go for a run, I would. That would do the trick, as it always does. I am absolutely opposed to running outside in the winter, though, so I guess maybe I should get these thighs onto the elliptical.
Somebody please send me some relaxation Karma!!!!!